How the Hell do People Manage?

I did not expect to end up in tears in front of my boss today, or ever for that matter. My tears were out of frustration over the fact that there are always some individuals who are committed to misunderstanding you and your approach no matter what you say and how you say it. Nursing management is my roman empire.

In this job, everything I say and do, I like to believe comes from a place of authenticity. I have never been a very good people pleaser because I always end up feeling a kind of disgust towards myself for acting contrary to my principles and beliefs just for the approval of another person. I cringe and roll my eyes at people who like to exploit the benefits of their “position of power.” I mean, a nursing manager position hardly comes with any “power” or “influence,” it just comes with a lot of repetitive, mundane things to do, that no one really finds particularly enjoyable. Truly, you need to have thick skin and an unshakeable resolve in yourself. At work, it is always easier to make the manager the antagonist of the story of your career. That is never an issue with me, as I accept that not everyone is going to like the way I do my job. Also, I’m a Gemini, so everybody already hates me. What’s another 3, 4 people at work? NBD.

I’m reflecting on why it affected me that way, when I knew from the start that defensiveness was going to be the usual reaction. I was literally expecting the unexpected, and it still caught me off-guard. Despite that, I am still proud that I was able to graciously accept being seen as a bitch and I know in myself that I will be able to move forward from this and it would not affect my professionalism towards those people in question. The growth.

Leadership and management really isn’t easy. It is actually a very lonely job. You have a lot of time to sit with the decisions you make that can either build up or destroy your team and your service. As depressing as that sounds, there is unfortunately no other way around it. Personal growth and improvement happens only when you are working through some of the most unreasonable circumstances in your adult life. After that, once you make it to the other side, you wonder why you were ever sad, worried, or affected by it in the first place.